Publius Cornelius Scipio Aemilianus Africanus Numantinus

(But we’ll just call him Scipio Aemilianus)

A hero of Rome and vanquisher of Carthage

 If you know about Roman history, you know about Carthage. If you know about Carthage, you know it got seriously fucked. Well, this is the guy that was responsible for all that.

Born into a family famous for extending Romes borders, Scipios father was Lucius Aemilius Paullus Macedonicus, the man who was responsible for killing all the Macedonians and securing their land for the glory that was Rome. Sometime soon after he was born Scipios dad got tired of his mom and her shit, so he divorced her, and resulted in the young guy being adopted by Publius Scipio, the son of Scipio Africanus the Elder (he kicked Hannibals ass). But this wasn’t any cause for drama in the dysfunctional family. In fact Scipio joined his dad in the final battle against Macedon when he was seventeen and proved to be a little hardass himself. Woah.

 After all that stuff he dabbled in politics for a bit but hated it. So he volunteered to go help tame ye olde Spain for the mighty empire. There he did a tone of cool stuff, and even killed a chieftain guy in single combat.

 With war breaking out with Carthage again, the reigning badass of Rome set off determined to finish the job his forbears had started. Scipio was going to fuck Carthage up. He beset and starved the people inside the city by land and sea, leaving them cut off and without any chance of escape or help. This went on for a few years, until Scipio got bored and decided it was time to kill people. It went fast at first, with Romans taking the walls quickly. However once it hit the streets, or massacre rather, the battle dragged on for hours and hours of house to house fighting until the small amount of survivors surrendered and were joyfully sold into slavery.

 Around ninety percent of the population of Carthage was slaughtered, and as he watched his men burn the city to the ground, Scipio began to weep and said “It is glorious.” It was accompanied with some eerie stuff about the possible future of Rome (SPOILER ALERT THEY GOT RAPED AND SENT EUROPE INTO THE DARK AGES), but I myself like to just remember the “It’s glorious” part.


  1. plinythesassier reblogged this from history-and-shit and added:
    In stark contrast to my last reblog about Africanus Major. I just like the Punic wars ok?
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